So VAP and I attended a birthday party for a friend yesterday. This friend is our age and is married and has two kids. So, the party was family friendly and anyone w/ kids was able to bring them. So, VAP and I ended up being the ONLY people at this party without children. EVERYONE else had kids and brought them. They were all nice cute kids, babies to toddlers, and the moms and dads were nice too, but I couldn't help feeling out of place or odd. No one really made us feel that way on purpose, but when conversation inevitably steers towards..."she's really not sleeping well lately, and she won't go down for naps...what kind of breast pump do you like best..." it's kind of hard not to feel a little out of place when you don't have kids, aren't sure if you ever will, but are sure you won't have any kids any time soon.
The thing is, after having gone to about 15 weddings in the past 24 months, including our own, we are about to be thrust into this lifestyle. Where your friends who have kids start getting new friends with kids and then they all hang out with each other and those kids, and where does that leave the childless couples? Now I know a lot of groups of friends go through this with married vs. unmarried couples and some people fall off the face of the earth once they get married or only hang out with the other married couples, but I think we have done ok staying social and seeing everyone when we can. I'm just a little interested [maybe worried] about seeing how this new thing [babies] could affect our group of friends.
At least one friend is expecting and that is really exciting too. This will be the first close friend who will be having a baby and I'm excited to give little baby gifts and hear all about the process and see her go through it. All rambling above aside, I think it will be cool and eye opening to see someone go through this first hand. I'm sure VAP and I will figure more out about what we think we want in the kids department as we see other people experience it. And I know that you will never be ready for such a big change in your life so you can't go around waiting until you feel ready. Still...I'm not ready!
Alright, enough of that, time to relax for the last bit of the weekend. :-D
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Dang! I can't believe that you were literally the ONLY group not to have kids at that party. Does it ever make you wonder about our particular group of friends? It seems we've all been so much slower to get married (and thus slower to have kids). On a related note, I was chatting with the guy next to me during our yardsale. I'd say he was a good 10 years older than me. Anyway, at the end of the yardsale when we were saying goodbye he said something like, "Maybe by next year you'll have your own little one running around." It was kinda weird to have a complete stranger wish that for me. Not that I'm offended... it's just, well, I hadn't even said that I was trying. You know?! B and I know that we want kids, but like you guys, we're not ready "yet." Not sure when "yet" will be... but it's not now. I didn't realize that you guys aren't even sure if you'll have kids. Any particular reason for that? (I know -- way personal question! Just ignore it if you don't wanna explain that). Ok, sorry for rambling in your comment box! :)
ReplyDeleteWell, I guess I shouldn't say we aren't sure if we'll have kids, I guess it's so hard to think about having kids now that it's hard to imagine having them one day. I feel like every time we talk about it, the convo. is more along the lines of not now... and I guess I've never been one of those women who dreamed of being a mom when I was a little girl. It just wasn't something I thought about all that ahead of time. I think I'm waiting for my "clock" and to let me know and help me feel more confidant in any decisions. Not that I haven't imagined being pregnant or having a little kid around lately. I usually picture a blond haired stocky little boy, and a red-headed little girl. A little of each of us :-)
ReplyDeleteokay, i'm way late in commenting, but i just had to let you know that you are not alone! marc and i feel that way literally all of the time. i often find myself questioning whether there's something wrong with me for not wanting that right now, but i know that's ridiculous. all in good time. it is certainly strange to adjust to this new world. honestly i still feel like it was just yesterday that we were in high school being kids ourselves!
ReplyDeleteIt's funny, Andrew and I went to another party a few weeks ago where we were again the only people that did not have kids. This time the hosts were older than us, and actually are a second marriage with a 12 yr old daughter/stepdaughter. I think we were actually the youngest couple there. So, it was a totally different experience. The conversations were not all about people’s kids and who is teething or whatever. And people understood that we didn't necessarily want to talk about those things either. I'm sure it had something to do with the fact that these were older parents but it was much less uncomfortable than the other experience. I think it has a lot to do with context and the individuals involved. Also whether or not you make the children the focus of attention all the time and are slave to their activities, or if you try to have an adult party that just happens to have some children around playing. We'll have to see if I remember these lessons if one day I'm on the other side of the experience.
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